Lost.

i never asked
to be ill
but it has made
this in me
my head knows
demons by name
my skin knows
evil so well
that’s why it
never knew you

you hoped that love
would stay inside
and i hoped it would
stay inside
but like a
cancer creeping slowly
it never had a chance

i was
lost

a cabin within
the deepest of
woods
i hid
for far too long
trying to
loose sight of
what i’d left behind
but eventually
i lost myself along the way
and found nothing
in return

disgust
and contempt
had taken hold
of me
refusing to let
me in
alone
nothing
the silence spoke
volumes

but you came and
showed me
the light
you came back
to find me
you came back
to bring me home

i didn’t deserve
for you to care
i didn’t deserve
anything at all

days
weeks
months
passed
i was good
you were perfect
in every sense of the word

every so often
i re-discover the old
dirt track winding through
the woods

but i know you’ll come back
you always come back.

 

Conversation with a stranger.

approach.speak.leave.

no meaningful conversation takes place anymore. unless its taking place on a screen. people spend far too much time browsing what is going on in la and ignoring what is happening right in front of them. do you remember the last time you caught eyes with a stranger on the tube, smiled, and then sparked up a conversation. do you remember where kim k was last week when she was photographed on a beach drinking spirits.

 

Borrowed time.

there is a place
i want you to go
let me take you there
you’ve got nothing to lose
a breeze in the wind
a bird in the shadows
catching your attention
as you wander
through the
woods between the
trees over the
river and past the present

the moment is
fleeting never to be
caught never consumed
only ever thought about
as a past event
for how can we enjoy
that which has yet
to happen
all we can do is embrace the
now forget about the then
and just allow the when
to catch you

don’t waste your energy
in pursuit of it
let it come to you
after all
time is linear
set in stone
it will come regardless

go back to that
path in the woods where
the trees cast long thin
shadows upon your
face and on the trail
you are following
enjoy the sensation of
the sun warming your
fingers and the sound of
crunching stones under
foot and the song of birds in
the distance

stop

breathe

let it be
it’s only borrowed time
you’ll have to give it back eventually
enjoy it while you can

Staying up late thinking about things.

back to where this all began. in a dream. a sleepless vision within sleep itself. a place where happiness can reign and the darkness of the world outside can subside. fade from existence and therefore from memory. a place where you can finally be free. do what you love. this is what makes waking up such a terrifying prospect.

having to face the objections and walls that society have built up over the years. in a world that is being destroyed more rapidly than we can conceive. emotionally and physically. carbon emission words eating the atmos and creating the fear.

live within the dream. it’s a nicer place to be. live to be the dreamer. they’re the nicer ones. the world needs more of them.

Against all Odds.

we put ourselves
through hell just to
feel
alive
but against all odds
you’re still
standing
you’re still
fighting
the clouds will pass and
the fog will fade
the sun will return.

Who.

my best friend one day
then a stranger the next
from phone calls every night before bed
and texts every morning
to nothing but an awkward

hello

at an atm